comtesse: (shame could not touch her ;)
"If we are the dark mirror of the world's desire, then I think mayhap Phèdre is the bright mirror of ours, showing us those things we cloak in pride and vanity. I beheld my own pettiness in her gaze, and I did not like what I saw."


Welcome to my journal, one of a couple on this website. It is, for all extensive purposes, semi-public: 90% public and 10% friends' locked on very rare occassion. You are more than welcome to friend it, watch it, etc. I don't mind.

This journal shall mainly keep my day-to-day livings, commentaries on life here in China, attending a Chinese university, pictures, etc. The other journals I own are [personal profile] yunie (purpose yet undecided, quite possibly an icon/graphics journal) and [personal profile] christinedaae, which will be used for my musical discussions such as my voice lessons and my up-coming self-produced album/promotion. However, this is indeed my main journal. Anyone can friend [personal profile] comtesse, but [personal profile] christinedaae is a bit more private since... well... until I'm ready for the world to hear my music I'd prefer to keep it under wraps and with selected eyes only.

That being said, please feel free to friend me should you think we have enough in common. :)
comtesse: (shame could not touch her ;)
As of last night my major is being officially changed to Chinese Philosophy and I will be apprenticing with Professor Yang Guorong for three years as his pupil, privately, alongside my friend and also GVSU alumni Kellen Parker. Who is he?

"Born in Shanghai in October 1957, Prof. Yang obtained his PHD in 1998 and was promoted as Professor in 1991 and then Doctorial Advisor in 1994. From 1998 to 2000, he was the chair of the Philosophy Department at ECNU. Prof. Yang was visiting scholar at Oxford University (1994-1995) and Harvard University (1999-2000). He is now Professor of the Philosophy Department at ECNU, guest Professor of the Philosophy Department at Wuhan University, and also serves on the Academic Evaluating committee of the State Council, the International Union of Confucianism, Commissioner of the Confucius Fund, the Chinese Philosophy Committee under Shanghai Philosophy Academy." (Source.)

As you can see... this is a very, very big honour. It would not have been possible without Papa Ni and Dad Shang, nor really without Wang who phoned Yang Guorong last night and asked him to please accept a second pupil. When he found out I was Ni and Shang's pupil during undergrad, he did so with delight. We're going to meet in person next Sunday and have a nice chat about my experiences in philosophy as well as getting to know each other in general. He should, after all, meet me before I become his slave for the next three years. :P

This is VERY good news. :D :D

I should also mention that I will be studying in English... and am now exempt from the HSK. :)
comtesse: (beyond what lies in a gaze ;)
Because of the Dragon Boat festival giving us days off on Thursday and Friday, we had to go to class on Sunday. I really don't understand why China does this other than they're paranoid we'll fall behind if we actually had a proper vacation. *sigh!* So yesterday was spent mainly in class and in my new apartment.

Now, I love my new apartment other than the fact that because I'm renting it, it's not exactly new. The building itself is quite old, as most things are here in Shanghai, but my apartment looks much nicer on the inside than the outside... save the kitchen and the bathroom.

While the living room is for living (no pun intended), I consider aesthetics for a bathroom to be very important. All things considered, a bathroom is more personal considering what is done in there, so giving it a nice atmosphere is important to me. The tiles and colour choices aren't up to my standards, so I was resolving myself to making up for it with decorations and whatnot. Unfortunately first it needs to be cleaned.

For the record before I disclose what happened next: I've hardly moved in to my new apartment, and although my landlady said it was cleaned before I got there, that turned out to be a horrid lie. The old sheets from the previous owner were still there, unwanted odds and ends still in closets and on the shelves, etc etc. If the living room hadn't been so beautiful, I think I would be more apt to complain than I am.

So, I had begrudgingly set myself to the task of cleaning my apartment myself. My Chinese friend (English name Wendy) helped me find the supplies I need to clean the surfaces for both kitchen and bathroom plus rubber gloves, scrubbies, towels, etc etc. Last night I was about to fill the sink with water and let the dishes soak (yes, the previous tenant left those as well) and I lifted up my rubber gloves...

...and two cockroaches shot out from where the gloves had been laying.

Oh. Oh I screamed. I screamed bloody murder. I'm sure my neighbors are convinced their new foreign neighbor is insane, but I honestly don't care. I am VERY upset about this, especially since there were two more in my bathroom. My bathroom! I was trying to attempt to make my bathroom a PERSONAL place and now I'm terrified to go in there... at least until I Raid bomb the place.

Now, this is not my fault. Again, the landlady didn't clean properly (I debated phoning her and cussing her out, but I suck at being confrontational, especially in Chinese) and the building is old. So, this is not my fault. But that doesn't mean I am less unhappy about it.

After class today, Sharii, Gina, and myself are marching over to Trust*Mart to buy Raid, roach motels, etc etc. I am spraying down the entire place. Every crack, every drain, I do not care it is being sprayed. Pouring bleach down the drains is also on the agenda. Supposedly (at the suggestion of [personal profile] laren) boric acid is a good idea. Let's hope they have it in China.

Sigh! I just want a lovely apartment and to make it my true home! Here I was thinking my biggest worry would be re-learning how to fend for myself but I suppose it is de-roaching the place instead. :(
comtesse: (for this grande finale ;)
Today I made the decision to change my major from Chinese literature to Chinese philosophy.

It was a hard decision, all things considered. I have always spoke of philosophy with passion and people were surprised when they found out I was going into literature. I went into literature initially because it was suggested for me to do so; Papa Ni and Dad Shang commented that I tend to view things in a much more sympathetic and artistic light, whereas philosophy is very analytical and much more rooted in logic. Shang had said that if I study literature, then I will be still able to read the great philosophical texts because they're involved in that category, they're still Chinese books.

But... I don't know. I was disappointed and it never felt right. But I felt they knew me better than I knew myself, so I should do what they said. However, I just... never was happy or passionate about it. I like reading poetry and novels, don't get me wrong, and yes I am good at literature. However, it just... never felt entirely right. And because it never felt right, I felt like I was going nowhere. When I dreamed of the future, it was a Ph.D. in philosophy, not literature.

That's when I realised that I was settling for less than what I wanted. And that is not okay.

I realise why Ni and Shang said what they did about me. They said it based on what they know of me. Do they know me very well? Yes. But they also have seen me at my most emotional. Because I love them so much, even in their classes, that's the side of me they see. I open my heart to them. They are my everything. However, because I constantly shove my heart towards them, they don't see the calm, the analytical that I can be. They don't know that I can be aloof (or even have been accused of being too aloof). They see a side of me I don't let many people see, and in a way while it's a good thing... it also wasn't.

I realise now that because I love them and admire them so much, I was doing what I thought would make them happy instead of what would make me happy. I didn't want to disappoint them, didn't want them to shake their heads at me and say, "You can't." I just went with it. And I am terrified of telling them my decision. I really am. I'm terrified they will shake their heads at me, tell me that I'm making a mistake. But I feel that I'm not. I really think this is the right way to go.

If I change my major on Wednesday when Wan Jing is in her office, I will study with Professor Yang Guorong in English. I won't have to worry about the HSK anymore. I will be free to study the thing I am truly passionate about instead of sitting in a classroom, wondering when we'd talk about Zhuangzi or Confucius. I will have my friend Kellen with me, starting this journey with him and we'll be in the same major for the same amount of time. I really feel that this is the right choice.

I just hope that I won't lose their love and support for making it.

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la Comtesse de Montrève

May 2012

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